I’m sitting in a Danish coffee shop in Lisbon, procrastinating on my preparation for the driving theory exam I’m having in a few days. The air smells like coffee and cinnamon rolls. This place is spacious but quite full, people are either working on their laptops or quietly enjoying their cup of coffee, mostly solo. It’s not loud here yet I have my earphones with the white noise on. It is supposed to help me concentrate and it actually does, it’s just that I am concentrated on everything but the driving theory.
Sometimes I think I am the simplest, most alive version of myself in moments like this: having my cup of coffee while reading a book, making notes in my notebook, no begging-for-attention phone, no talks, no nagging clock in the background, no need to be anywhere else. Maybe because it’s in the moments of slow that I am able to digest all those mental updates running in the background. Not to be dramatic or anything, but some months ago I literally felt as if my internal memory card was full, some processes couldn’t run smoothly anymore, there were glitches and system errors. Then suddenly (or rather not at all!) I got rid of all the junk files and stuff that no longer served me and all that valuable freed-up storage space brought back my not-perfect, but functioning self. It’s like I finally have the capacity to work on some new features and security improvements. I know I’m digressing but the point I wanted to make is that I’ve never been as aware of my sense of self as this year.
Back to the quietest joys though… I remember mentally noting those oddly scattered moments of happiness throughout the year and while many and many of them have slipped away, I want to document those that I am still holding onto and I’m grateful for.
1 – Early morning runs.
It might be strange (it must be strange) but when I experience these random sincere moments of happiness, I laugh out loud. I laughed the first time I went for a run in the early morning this summer. Seeing the mist gradually fading away just as the sun came out made my heart full, I laughed but I could easily cry that time.
2 – Did you get home? Are you hungry?
I remember every time a friend asked me this. Not everyone does.
3- Picking up my favourite ice cream.
Have you ever found yourself putting so much more value on the little gestures than any other bigger, seemingly more significant stuff? This summer someone remembered and bought my (almost) favourite ice cream – I barely remember the hike or anything else we’ve done on that day but that ice cream moment strangely stuck with me.
4- Walking alongside through different seasons of life.
I don’t know how to untangle this one in a couple of sentences. And it’s not exactly one tiny moment, it’s a multitude of them. It’s sharing memes and photos of food, it’s picking up a phone and giving a call, it’s being comfortable in silence with each other while knowing that you can safely crack yourself open, it’s drinking too much Sangria and almost having a fight on how we fail ourselves and each other, it’s sponsoring lunch at Mensa and saying my newsletter basically sucks (but then being the first one to subscribe to it and support me as I struggle to put two words together). These tiny moments constitute my favourite friendships with those who walk alongside me through different seasons of life.
5- Michelangelo’s "David"
I know it’s odd, but I couldn’t not include Michelangelo’s masterpiece in here. Simply because I was and am in awe of this breathtaking, humbling, and incomparable perfection achieved by Michelangelo (in 1504!!!!). Whoa!
Now, I suppose no one will go through those driving questions for me…so I’m signing off.
Have a wonderful holiday season and thank you for being here!